I've decided today that I'm going to start giving Turpin charlie horses occaisonally, at random, in an effort to toughen her up.
Now, don't feel bad for her. It's for her own good. And besides, she once stapled my ear with a stapler! It didn't have actual, physical staples in it, but my ear bled. So, charlie horses. And noogies. Don't tell her what they are; she doesn't know yet because she's sheltered. This is why she needs the charlie horses in the first place. And the noogies.
Do you know that she couldn't even swear before meeting me? I had to show her porn, as well.
And, one day, I'll have her buying knives. For the hell of it. Because that's what she met me for. That's why God made me such a glorious swimmer in the first place.
Inside joke.
Larry will be performing the traditional Argentinian ballad, 'The Dance of the Cucumber,' in it's original Spanish. Bob the Tomato will translate.
ReplyDeleteMiren al pepino
Watch the cucumber
que suaves movimientos
Oh, how smooth his motion
tal como mantequilla
like butter
en un chango pelon.
on a ... bald monkey.
Miren al pepino
Look at the cucumber
los vegetables
all the vegetables
envidian a su amigo
envy their friend
como el quieren bailar
wishing to dance as he
Miren al tomate
Look at the tomato
¿no es triste?
Isn't it sad
El no puede bailar.
He can't dance.
!Pobre tomate!
Poor tomato!
El deberia poder bailar
He wishes he could dance
Como el pepino
like the cucumber
libre y suavemente
free and smooth.
Pero el no puede danzar
But he can't ... Okay! Stop the music! What do ya mean I can't
dance? I can dance! What about Uncle Louie's polka party? Didn't you seeme dancing at Uncle Louie's polka party?
YEAH WHAT ABOUT UNCLE LOUIE'S POLKA PARTY!