It's Friday.
And what a day! Cloudless. Subtle breeze. Birds are eating my garbage.
It's a great time to exist.
I walked around in da mall for a little bit, but the stench of employment drove me outta there.
You know who I feel bad for?
Carrot Top.
Everybody shits on him for being a prop comic.
When he should be praised for being the only prop comic to ever make it.
Except for Gallagher, of course.
But fuck that guy.
Oh wait. ...What's that?
You shit on Carrot Top because he's hideous-looking?
And he was in Chairman of the Board?
My mistake.
Either way, he was asking for it.
If I got noticed, and people started calling me 'Curly Sue', I wouldn't adopt it as my stage name.
I'd tell them to fuck off.
People ask, usually on Oprah, why is it that good things happen to bad people.
If God's so goddamned good, y'know?
But people never pay attention to the good things that happen to good people.
Like the cinnamon bun, for example.
And various other pastries.
I saw a cat panting today.
Which kind of threw me a little bit.
I find cats so irresistibly curious at times.
Because, like handguns, I never had them around when I was growing up.
I can still vividly remember Mike's cat in Mike's yard that time in high school.
Because I was watching this cat. And I've never owned a cat.
Hairballs, 'spraying' (that's too polite a term for what they do, by the way), eating lasagna.
These things were all new to me.
So, I'm watching this cat, and she's digging up the flowerbed.
And then she sits in it.
Mike and Pete continue their basketball tricks, unphased.
And I ask Mike, "What's the cat doing?"
Turns out, the cat was defecating in the flowerbed.
She looked like she was waiting for a bus.
1 comment:
Carrot Top is messed up. If I met him, I'd call him Mr. Top...nothing else. I'd be afraid he'd eat me. That dude has a scary body, Sir. Intimidating, yet goofy and odd. Did you know that he was voted Funniest Male Stand-up Comic of 1994?
1994 must have been a sad sad year.
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