she's crazy (about me)

I'm going to teach my children about sex in the most logical way I can think of:

With video footage of their conception.

"Yes, mommy sure was drunk that night, son.

She's not like that anymore" (shoot her a glance).

I disagree with the term 'carbon footprint.'

I think that's a little light.

Almost all of the polar bears are dead.

'Carbon headbutt' would be closer to the truth, I think.

I was almost headbutted by a hockey player once.

One of my many claims to fame.

That and my ability to spill things on myself without noticing.

In crowded settings.

I'm wearing three t-shrits.

I'm still not stylish, though.

I guess I need more...

One of my students has a crush on me (see why I password-protected this shit? [labia!]).

So, I asked a teacher today if I should be concerned about Julie's (not her real name) infatuation with me.

She suggested I simply remain as professional as possible.

And remember that the girl does have mental issues.

But that goes without saying.

Carbon uppercut.

My little book used to be full of funny things that I have written down.

Now it's full of notes on teaching Romeo & Juliet.

But at least I'm sleeping regularly

(with cocktail waitresses).