The post after this snippet will be #1000.
Just decided I'm going to buy a cake for it.
And when I say that I "just decided" that, I mean literally, this second, I just decided it.
Alright, well, I'm going to call Sobey's and order that.
While I wait for buddy to frost it wrong, I'll figure out which profound, retrospective topic I'll discuss for this momentous fraction of information huddled among the other dozens of billions of fractions of information on the Internet.
Probably going to be something about how hot chicks only show up in the summer.
Thursday, July 4, 2013
Cool Cats
Man was born (of woman) about 3000 years ago.
Wait...that's when Jesus was on the go.
Reset.
Man was born (of cro-magnum woman) about...anybody?
3 million?
When did dinosaurs start eating us?
Hang on.
200,000 years, maybe.
Apparently the jury is still out on that because humans like to debate stuff.
Carbon date and itemize and whatnot.
Now, the first few centuries were kinda slow.
We eventually got fire down, but there was a big gap between that and the Hot Stuff.
And when the cro-mags all sat around their first fire, warming their sloped brows in the moonlight, they watched the waltzing flames and thought about their future.
Of course, they didn't have long to think about it because they were too busy dying of infections and rabies and so on until medical practice came along.
Who would have ever guessed?
The cro-magnum anthropologists, vacationing down south at their stone summer cabins, pontificating over their cigars that they could suddenly light, could never know.
Could never know that one day, the sum of humanity's knowledge would be available at the fingertips of even the most dim-witted of fatheads.
What's more, they could never have guessed that upon reaching this milestone, the resounding, unifying factor of the totality of his evolved kin would be...
...
Cats.
Cats rolling around on the floor.
Cats playing with bits of string.
Cats scaring away dogs.
This is all people truly need to see.
That, and videos of fat people falling down.
These are the most effective ways to distract ourselves from the fact that we're alive.
Which begs the question:
What really defined the current society we find ourselves in?
The telegraph?
The printing press?
Or America's Funniest Home Videos?
Imagine, explaining this ghost story to all of the neanderthals around the campfire.
If they even had the ability to fathom, they would never be able to fathom it.
However, I will admit that even they'd probably forget the issue entirely if they watched this.
You can't argue with progress, now can you?
You'll think I'm dicking around, but I really mean for this to be a serious question:
If you went out to the Savannah, and you found a pride of lions sweltering and lazing about, and you placed among them an empty refrigerator box, would one of them get in it?
I honestly want you to think about that.
Wait...that's when Jesus was on the go.
Reset.
Man was born (of cro-magnum woman) about...anybody?
3 million?
When did dinosaurs start eating us?
Hang on.
200,000 years, maybe.
Apparently the jury is still out on that because humans like to debate stuff.
Carbon date and itemize and whatnot.
Now, the first few centuries were kinda slow.
We eventually got fire down, but there was a big gap between that and the Hot Stuff.
And when the cro-mags all sat around their first fire, warming their sloped brows in the moonlight, they watched the waltzing flames and thought about their future.
Of course, they didn't have long to think about it because they were too busy dying of infections and rabies and so on until medical practice came along.
Who would have ever guessed?
The cro-magnum anthropologists, vacationing down south at their stone summer cabins, pontificating over their cigars that they could suddenly light, could never know.
Could never know that one day, the sum of humanity's knowledge would be available at the fingertips of even the most dim-witted of fatheads.
What's more, they could never have guessed that upon reaching this milestone, the resounding, unifying factor of the totality of his evolved kin would be...
...
Cats.
Cats rolling around on the floor.
Cats playing with bits of string.
Cats scaring away dogs.
This is all people truly need to see.
That, and videos of fat people falling down.
These are the most effective ways to distract ourselves from the fact that we're alive.
Which begs the question:
What really defined the current society we find ourselves in?
The telegraph?
The printing press?
Or America's Funniest Home Videos?
Imagine, explaining this ghost story to all of the neanderthals around the campfire.
If they even had the ability to fathom, they would never be able to fathom it.
However, I will admit that even they'd probably forget the issue entirely if they watched this.
You can't argue with progress, now can you?
You'll think I'm dicking around, but I really mean for this to be a serious question:
If you went out to the Savannah, and you found a pride of lions sweltering and lazing about, and you placed among them an empty refrigerator box, would one of them get in it?
I honestly want you to think about that.
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