Jellybeans

Here's a fun idea:
You know those songs that you share with a girlfriend?
Boyfriend?
Group of European travelers that you fooled around with while drunk on Tequilla in Cancun?
The songs that immediately make you think of them?
Take all of those songs from all of your relationships.
Put them on a mixtape (or CD. You kids are into CDs these days).
Write on it, in magic marker:
MISTAKES I'VE MADE.
Then listen to them alone in your bedroom in the dark.
Accompany the activity with Scotch, if you think it will help.
It has helped countless others.

Da missus and I are sitting in Ches's.
At 1 a.m. on a Saturday (I think).
While we're waiting for our feeds, I turn to her and I say:
"It's over."
And she says, "No it's not."

I'd like to play a game of ice hockey before I die.
A slow-paced one.
Twenty bucks says that after someone helps me into all of my padding I'll have to go to the bathroom.

While I have them seated around me under the oak tree, I'll tell them:
"Things are different now than they were when I was your age, little ones.
When I was a kid, the red light next to the TV's power button meant it was 'On.'
Now it means that the TV is 'Off.' But these days people don't say 'Off.'
They say 'Standby.'"
But none of them will be listening.
Because they're the generation borne of the 'TV generation.'
Which, on the whole, makes them very inattentive.
Especially to old people.