Sports Day

If you’re sitting there, amongst your rabble and filth, and you’re wondering:

Just how many babies are too many babies, philosophically?

The answer is however many babies are in this coffee shop with me right now.

You can dress them up, but…

I don’t care if the babies are Australian or some other adorable nationality.

Too many babies.

Speaking of too much of a good thing, The Olympics are happening right now.

As I type this, in fact.

My opinions and emotions that are reserved for this sham shift slightly with each new opening ceremony (not that I ever watch them. Get Metallica to open the show and I’ll check it out).

Being the counter-culture juggernaut that I am, the easy answer on what I think of The Olympics is as follows:

I hate them.

But I don’t hate them, I suppose.

They’re not for me, of course.
As far as participation goes, they’re not for me.

I’m not an Olympian, and perhaps that’s my problem with them.

It’s not my problem with them, though. 

It may be the fancy.

All of the goddamned advertising and hoopla makes me want to vomit into my toilet, certainly.

Everyone will argue that The Olympics are the only happening that truly brings the world together.

And, since (the original) Guns N’ Roses have stopped touring, this is relatively true.

Yet, I wouldn’t be in a rush to suggest that The Olympics brings the world together in a good way.

I don’t know how that ever came to be assumed.

I mean, it’s not like every country on the planet gets together at The Olympics in order to get drunk.

Even after the closing ceremonies are complete (Metallica again), there’s no dance.

Of course there are behind-the-scenes parties that only Michael Phelps gets invited to.

But none of these after-the-fact celebrations intertwine cultures, I’m sure.

The Olympics are like the subway is like your university’s business faculty.

Birds of a feather flock together.

The Chinese birds peck about with the other Chinese birds, and so on.

The Olympics brings all nationalities together so that they can be just as separate as they always are.

Then they rank this disparity based (generally) on wealth and population, stress its importance, and televise it on a global scale.

Tell me when all of this is supposed to be good for humanity.

This striving to best one another is what we’ve been doing all along, and it has never been to our benefit.

The parents are in The Olympics this time 'round.

The moms are throwing the javelins.

The dads are synchronized with the synchronized swimmers.

The (white) parents in the stands are getting as much attention as the athletes themselves.

Despite their support (which I don’t doubt is considerable), the parents have little to do with it.

“It’s their event, too.”

Give me a break.

If it was 'their event too', the child/parent teams would all fail because the parents are in their fifties.

What a preposterous fabrication. 

Put them on camera if they happen to be in the crowd.

Sure. Why not?

They’ve contributed enough to deserve that.

“So and so’s parents looking on as she prepares for her dive.

The mother looks to be as physically attractive as the daughter, and that’s something the Canadian team should be proud of.”

Fine.

But interviewing them, or putting them in leotards and sticking them in VISA commercials is fucking lunacy, if you ask me.

Did anyone ask me?

No?

Well, you should be asking me.

As someone without a real job, I can spare a great deal of time to think about this stuff.