Mother's Milk OR Milking It (For the Time Being)

Always on the forefront of trends, some five years later, the NTV news will soon be broadcast in HD.
When this happens, viewers will finally learn that Lynn Burry is just Fred Hutton in a wig.
If I had any passion for photoshop, I'd find a picture of Fred Hutton and make that image for you.

So, I'm moving to Halifax.
Don't ask me why.
Well, I can tell you why.
Same reason teen pregnancy is on the rise:
Peter White.
He stole my mom's spare set of car keys, and he told me that he'd only give them back if I moved there.
October 6th.
As good a day as any to leave your parents' rec room and start having sexual experiences.

Every night that I go to bed, I take a giant glass of milk with me.
Bunch of reasons:

Reason Number One:
I love eating in bed, and that piece of chocolate cake isn't going to wash itself down.
I also love milk more than most liquids (piss!).

Reason Number Two:
I hate ending the day because it might be my last one.
If I have a glass of milk, obviously I can't go to bed before drinking it or I'll waste the milk.
So, I have to stay up until the milk is gone.
Thus, therefore, or those three little dots, I can garner five extra minutes every day with which to live.

But here's the problem: I don't pay for the milk.
I don't pay for the chocolate cake.
I don't earn anything that I have.
It was great when I was a kid.
It's great now, by the way.
But it is getting old.  
I am getting old.
So I'm moving to Halifax.

*This post brought to you by Bell Media.
Watch Peter White's Comedy Now! airing tonight, September 2.
Also brought to you by Schneider's Naturals.
Enjoy Schneider's Country Naturals Bacon while watching Peter White's Comedy Now!