For the Like of God

Lick all of the community wafers and then put them back in the goblet.
It's Friday.
(That one is for the diocese boys).

Parents beware!
If you employ a really stringent bedmaking rule with your kids, they may eventually join the army.
Because they'll have developed a taste for doing it regularly.
And for having someone provide their outfits.
So let them choose their own clothing, also.
Don't force them to wear overalls despite the fact that it makes them cry and cry and cry.
That last part was me.

I'm doing a show at Rodeo's tonight.
I did one there a few weeks ago.
A lot of inflatable cacti...
I know that it's pronounced 'rodeo,' like the horse party.
But I say 'Roe-day-oh' in my head.
Like the street that has a lot of botax clinics on it, probably.
I spoke to the audience and staff about it last time.
They have amateur stripper contests there.
I intend to go.
Not for the male contest.
But rather the female one.
So I can hoot.
And remember readers: when you enter those amateur stripper contests, make sure you remove the nicotine patch from your inner thigh before you lace up the knee-highs.

The sad truth is that we no longer need churches.
Sure, Bingo used to be popular, but now it's just something for the older crowd.
And since they've started putting up their own halls, the churches are even less necessary.
These things happen.
The post office.
The wagon wheel maker (the sort that goes on a wagon; not the cookie snack).
Little Bow Wow.
Trends come and go.
My suggestion would be to turn them into yoga hothouses, or sell them to the Staples people.
So that they can be turned into Stapleses.
"Where can I find the ink cartridges?"
"Oh, they're aisle 3, right under the stained glass depiction of The Last Supper."
...
"I dunno what it is, exactly.
I think it was like, the last big meal that was cooked over an open fire or something...
I couldn't say for sure cause it has nothing to do with Staples.
It might be an annual supper that bingo players have, maybe.
Ccause this place actually used to be a Bingo hall before.
No, it's true."
Nietzsche once wrote the part of a raving man who ran through town with a lantern, declaring:
"God is dead! And we killed him!"
That guy has a sucessful webcomic now.
Salvation doesn't have the same appeal any more.

But don't fret!
I'll tell you why.
As I was walking here, I was jammed up behind three guys walking abreast on the sidwalk.
I was hating them in my head for moving so slowly and speaking so loudly.
But then one of them noticed I was there, and he moved himself and his buddy aside.
"Thanks," I said.
"You're welcome," he said.
I eventually get here, to this Starbucks that isn't big enough.
I'm getting in line, and someone has two drinks and he's trying to break through the crowd of scarves.
I stand aside to let him through.
Same guy.
Who's to say what is and isn't connected?
Anyway, live your life
Commit your sins
Monday, repent
Your weekend begins