Bit of a Stretch

Written on the road thru Cape Breton, Saturday, November 24:

We just pulled over the shuttle (minivan) for all of us to have a bit of a stretch.
Like all of you with your body issues, I've considered yoga, sure.
Though I've no preoccupation with being muscular (duh), I'm keen on being lithe.
But who has the time these days?
Not me.
I don't know what I've been doing, but I've been busy.
A dog has approximately ten times the amount of smell receptors that a human has.
Despite this, they're still prone to mishaps like eating a portion of a scented candle.
"Well, it smelled like food."
A good reason to keep them away from the heavy duty cleaners (lemon-scented).
One day the missus was so excited to hug me, she threw an unpeeled banana into a nearby garbage can.
These and other fruits to come!
Accidentally insulted a Vietnamese woman last night.
You can't refer to a race as 'they' any more.
Any race. Any they.
Like, "They invented the rocket," or "They eat hamster."
In this society I bide my time and wait to see what other perfectly legitimate language is eventually "Not cool, man."
I'd rather be a nobody than some internet sensation.
One day you're a slob, the next 14 million people are talking about you, the next you're hanging yourself in your bathroom.
My dad says shit, too, y'know. All our dads say shit.
Whose phrases will you parrot when he passes on?
I know, I know.
I'm just jealous cause people are reading his blog.
I'm going to make one that's called, "The Vocabulary of Mike."
It'll involve all of the words that dad has made up over the years and subsequently eased into his vernacular.
Like 'squez' (squeeze) and 'matt-rass' (mattress).
These days, most of us aren't as interesting as our parents.
I don't know how to end this post positively.
I'll write something more affable after I manage to shower.