"I'll Tell Ya When You're Older"

I'm getting close to perfecting Kraft Dinner.
You'll all soon be eating it my way.
If I was a dictator I'd make everyone eat what I eat.
But the peasants would love me because everyone enjoys toutons from time to time.
Same goes for tuna wraps.
I'd try to distribute grain as evenly as possible.
I'd be the dictator everyone wants at a party.
But if the natives ever started talking land reforms I'd be considerably less lovable.

It's Saturday.
Colin, his other one, mom and dad and I.
We're in Jungle Jims.
I've noticed that all of the female waitresses who work at Jungle Jims are shaped the same way.
Round, but not necessarily pear-shaped.
Maybe it's a fitting issue with those shorts they have to wear.
H'anyway.
There's this loud table of boring looking women.
They're drinking because the heavy one at the head of the table is getting married.
So says the veil.
And they're getting wasted to celebrate.
I tell my dinner compadres that women have far grosser bachelorette parties.
They involve all sorts of implements and dildos, while men just go to a strip club.
And my mother says:
"What's dildos?"
I had to leave the table for a minute.
My mother later admitted that she knew the difference, and she was, in fact, messing with me.
"I knew what they were. I just wanted to see your reaction."
I told her I didn't want to hear about it.
My mom and I disagree on a great deal.
Sometimes, however, she floors me with how similar we are.

...
It's something to hear your mother ask; "What's dildos."
Trust me.