A Real Corker

I almost blinded myself a few nights back.
With a champagne cork.
Technically, it's not called champagne unless it's from the wee French town of Champagne.
So, I almost blinded myself with a sparkling wine cork.
Alright, alright, I'll tell it.
I don't even have a shirt on yet.
Picture it.
Okay.
Pete, Bussey, Shandera and I decided to play some batouts in an effort to reclaim our childhood.
Peter fielded very well.
We had to stop after an hour because we were all too winded.
And Peter had seriously injured his elbow for the day.
I can't really remember what it was like when we played behind Ascension Collegiate at the age of 12.
But I think it used to go smoother.
By 'smoother' I mean that we played for longer.
It was probably less organized, since there would inevitably be an argument about point scoring.
"25!"
"Dat wasn't even movin'!"
"Yes it was! It was still rollin'! I got 125 now!"
"You got 100!"
"No, I got 125!"
"I'm da batter! I'm the ref for points!"
And so on.
The end result would be Dennis and Peter pushing one another until Peter got a nosebleed.
Then he'd throw his glove as Dennis ran away.
"Ya frigger!"

What was I talking about?
Oh yeah!
Sparkling wine cork.
We left batouts to buy beer.
I settled on bottles of champagne in the liquor store because I didn't want beer and I didn't want not beer either.
Fast-forward to Shandera's.
I'm engaged in a frank discussion with Pete and Bussey.
I'm unwrapping the foil.
I twist off and throw aside the little wire guard they put on the cork.
The bottle is positioned between my thighs.
Without warning, there's a loud POP and my glasses are on the floor, and I don't know what has happened.
Everyone's bewildered.
I'm aware that I have just been involved in a 'close call.'
The cork inexplicably ejected itself from the bottle.
Which was pointed haphazardly towards my face.
The cork didn't hit my glasses, but instead lifted them off of my face.
The cork moved with enough force to hit the ceiling (I think).
The others marveled afterwards at how they had never seen a champagne cork 'do that before.'
I knew it was just a matter of time.
Imagine if it had hit me in the throat.
That would've been a treat.
I was very mindful when opening the second.