Only Have Eyes for You

We need more Blackberries.
The obnoxious kind that keeps you tethered to your job.
Not the berry.
There aren't enough Blackberry factories.
Because I think that if we produce enough, alongside the advent of the text message, we can eventually phase out eye contact.
Which is where we want to be, I think.
Eye contact is just something to distract us from Family Guy and that show with all of the midgets in it.
Oh, it won't be forgotten entirely.
It's something that will be patiently explained to sheep who go on heritage tours while they're vacationing.
Graduated arts students can explain it to groups of 35 to 40, with the help of (digital) placards and recorded sound clips.
Faded pictures of historical figures making eye contact with other historical figures.
The tour guides will wear maroon blazers.
And they'll say, "A hundred years ago people would spend days, or even weeks making eye contact with one another.
It was used in conversation, but sometimes people would make eye contact from across a room without any dialogue at all.
Before fucking one another in the laundry room at a party.
Just try it now. Turn to the person closest to you and make eye contact."
Giggling and nervous everyone will try it out (some of the children will be too afraid to participate).
"It's terrifying!" One woman in the back will exclaim through cautious laughter, her eyes locked with some fat man's from Iowa.
But step one:
Make more Blackberries.
The babies don't have them yet.