Bear With Me

I used to tell people that Banff had one unique quality as far as employment was concerned:
It hosted the only job orientation I've ever sat through that gave advice on avoiding a bear attack.
And cougar attacks.
I considered the cougar attack tutorial to be moot.
Tip #1: Cougars always attack from behind.
I would consider that to be the beginning and end of the cougar attack lesson.
Apparently, when encountering a bear, you are supposed to avoid eye contact, back up, and speak in a strong, firm voice.
I once discussed it onstage while my fellow employees ate ribs.
I said that I thought this advice was weird, because I assumed what you were supposed to do is run away, looking over your shoulder, shouting, "Shit I'm dead! Shit I'm dead!"
Works better when you see it.
Like all of the other things I write that you don't laugh at.
I can't believe I never posted this before now.
Bill asked me the other night:
"What do you want to list as your occupation when you're traveling?
'Teacher'? Or 'comedian'?"
A valid question.
My mom would hate him for asking me.