This One's On Me

I'm thinking of writing a book.
Well, it won't be written so much as it will be lurid pictures of me.
Black and whites.
It's art if they're black and white.
Seriously though.
I compile interviews of people working in retail.
No one over the age of twenty.
Fashion it into a manuscript.
And I call it, While the Cat's Away.
Or, Tonight's Dead: The Damnable Lives of Employees.
Or, Closing On A Friday (and other stories).
No one has their finger on the pulse of humanity more.
The things I could do with a budget.

Being five years old must be exhausting.
So many questions that you're not interessted in answering.
"So are you going to school next year?"
"And how old are you?"
"Is that your favourite bear?"
Must be like going to a party that your parents are throwing.
For years on end.

And my mom said comedy would never pay off.
She's likely right.
But those comedy business cards are working out for me.
Besides being textually accosted by strangers occaisonally, I have something new to show for Staples' efforts.
I won a big frigging thing of coffee.
From Starbucks.
One of those business card draws for what are supposed to be legitimate businesses.
And I won.
96 ounces.
I think it's the funniest thing.
Maybe I'll interview the employees there when I go to pick it up.
"So do you live around here?"
A guy can dream.