If the customer was always right, they'd know how to work the cash register.
I've been watching much more Price is Right lately.
If I was on the Price is Right, I'd get the Price wrong.
One of the following things would likely happen to me:
Price is Right Catastrophe Scenario A:
Drew would say, "Skipper, who do you have for us on Contestant's Row?"
"How about...Paul Warford?!"
The camera would pan around and settle on me just in time to see me trip.
And cascade down over the stairs, eventually striking my head on...something.
The whole audience would get eerily quiet.
Drew would make a slicing motion across his throat until they cut the music.
They'd have to air lift me out of there.
They'd play this sound bite as they loaded me onto the gurney.
Afterwards they'd enforce a new rule that you must calmly walk down to contestant's row.
While holding the rail.
Price is Right Catastrophe Scenario B:
I get to Contestant's Row (unscathed) and stay there.
Because the person immediately following me always bids a dollar over me.
After the first Big Wheel round I snap.
Me: Nine Hundred!
Other Guy: Nine-oh-one, Drew!
Me: You cocksucker!
The beauties escort me from the premises.
Price is Right Catastrophe Scenario C:
I get to play Plinko.
I confuse the prices of the deep fryer and the hot dog cooker.
So I only get one chip.
I get ready to drop it and I fall over the front of the board.
I land headfirst in the '0' slot.
Snapping off all of the pegs on the way.
They have to retire the game indefinitly.
I spin the Big Wheel but ultimately lose to some bat named Mabel.
And Drew has to help me get the wheel all of the way around.
At best I'd win luggage.
"Thanks Drew. I'll pack my old luggage into my new luggage when I fly home."
I've been watching much more Price is Right lately.
If I was on the Price is Right, I'd get the Price wrong.
One of the following things would likely happen to me:
Price is Right Catastrophe Scenario A:
Drew would say, "Skipper, who do you have for us on Contestant's Row?"
"How about...Paul Warford?!"
The camera would pan around and settle on me just in time to see me trip.
And cascade down over the stairs, eventually striking my head on...something.
The whole audience would get eerily quiet.
Drew would make a slicing motion across his throat until they cut the music.
They'd have to air lift me out of there.
They'd play this sound bite as they loaded me onto the gurney.
Afterwards they'd enforce a new rule that you must calmly walk down to contestant's row.
While holding the rail.
Price is Right Catastrophe Scenario B:
I get to Contestant's Row (unscathed) and stay there.
Because the person immediately following me always bids a dollar over me.
After the first Big Wheel round I snap.
Me: Nine Hundred!
Other Guy: Nine-oh-one, Drew!
Me: You cocksucker!
The beauties escort me from the premises.
Price is Right Catastrophe Scenario C:
I get to play Plinko.
I confuse the prices of the deep fryer and the hot dog cooker.
So I only get one chip.
I get ready to drop it and I fall over the front of the board.
I land headfirst in the '0' slot.
Snapping off all of the pegs on the way.
They have to retire the game indefinitly.
I spin the Big Wheel but ultimately lose to some bat named Mabel.
And Drew has to help me get the wheel all of the way around.
At best I'd win luggage.
"Thanks Drew. I'll pack my old luggage into my new luggage when I fly home."
2 comments:
And have to pay taxes on the luggage at that!
you left out the scenario where you make it to contestant's row you bid one dollar over one of those red hat society ladies and she beats you death.
Post a Comment