A Ken And A Prayer

Here's the difference between my mother and I:
Mom prefers to plan each and every detail of an important event so that it will unfold smoothly.
While I, on the other hand, prefer to do everything differently than my mother.
Andie and I were six hours away from the wedding by car, twelve or fourteen hours by boat, and about 66 million years by pterodactyl.
How were we getting across, mom wanted to know.
Well, da b'ys were supposed to be dropping out for the weekend.
Boys' Weekend we had taken to calling it.
Doesn't take a genius; we'll hitch a ride back with da b'ys.
The days lined up near-perfectly.
Yet, Boys' Weekend bottomed out at the last minute and became Babies' Weekend instead.
Still fun, but fewer molested strippers.
Anyway, babies use baby seats and baby seats occupy regular seats, hence our ride was kaput.
Well, how would we get across the island?
Rent a car, whatever.
A rented car is a perfect excuse to show off new sunglasses anyway, so whatever.
Big deal. Rent a car.
Everyone leaves on Sunday. Bachelor party is a couple of days away, the wedding itself is in six.
Ring-a-ding, "Hello, car company? One car, please."
All cars across the entire island were rented because my life is a joke continuously being played on myself.
So, how were we going to get across the island?
Well, now I no longer knew, but Mom didn't need to know that (yet).
I called Colin and gave him an update on Sunday evening, and he pointed out that I had to make it because I was due to stand in the wedding.
Duh.
"He's also the MC!" Charlotte called from the background, which I had forgotten.
So, the lady perused Kijiji and found some fellow darting across.
New Subaru, so we couldn't take the dog and had to instead stick her in a kennel, which was too bad.
Yet, at this point, we had to focus on the big picture:
Getting to the bachelor party in time so that I wouldn't miss paintball.
Ken was a fellow from China with good English and a nice interior.
We got aboard, laid out our cribbage board, some books, magazines. This won't be so bad, right?
A town or two over, Ken picked up a young German couple who were traveling around.
They also have good English and nice posterior, but I know that Germans poo on each other in the bedroom, so I couldn't even look the lady German in the eye.
So, now we were a little crammed in.
Tough to play crib when you can't move your elbows from the sides of your body.
As we began to cruise, thus discomforted, Andie asked, "Oh, are you a Whitney Houston fan?"
"No," Ken explained, "This is Celine Dion. I got her CDs at some such place and so on..."
Three hours. Every Celine Dion hit that you'd forgotten about, plus some other tracks you never gave a shit about in the first place.
Anyway, when it was all said and done it wasn't so bad.
We ditched the Germans in Terra Nova, and then we were able to sprawl out enough for me to beat the missus in crib three or four times.
She's still learning the game, but she has to win stuff, y'know?
You know the sort? Typically they play sports and get way too into croquet at barbecues.
I've never cared about winning or losing at anything I've ever done at any time in my life.
I could play jacks with a five-year old girl fifty times in a row, losing each time, and not care whatsoever.
Who gives a shit? It's jacks.
Who gives a shit? It's crib. We're passing time, here.
She was a few points from winning, talking all sorts of shit and jabbing it in my face.
Suddenly, I bamboozle her with a 16-point hand and win the game.
Well, now what?
Heavy breathing. Like, she had to take huge, paper bag breaths so as to not freak out on me in the back of Ken's rig.
"Okay," deep breath, "That's okay. Let's put the crib board away." Deep breath.

We chit chatted and chicken salad sandwich'd our way through the ride and got to Roach's Line.
My brother Brian was there to collect us and he and Andie met for the first time and we gave Ken nods and thanks you's and best-of-luck's and parted ways as he continued on to St. John's and the rest of his life.
Got back to Mom's, unloaded the truck.
I hefted along with my bag and I looked ahead to Andie who was about to enter the house, and it dawned on me.
"Oh Jesus."
She was wheeling Ken's luggage across the driveway.