Home Away from Home

You know the problem with Simani?
They're too comercial now.
They used to be in it for the music.
For the satisfaction of doling out a fresh accordian jam.
And for memorable and provacative lyrics like:

Where's Aunt Bessie, Uncle George?
Oh, she's up on choppin' block
She's callin' her sheep, Now nanny come nan

I was raised on this stuff, y'know.
It would be Music and Friends followed by Outport People.
While dad tried to maneuver the motorhome through downtown Montreal.
As we all fucked around in the back.
And mom staved off a nervous breakdown.
And the inevitable subsequent abuse charges.
All things considered, she held it together pretty well.
It was when she took off her seatbelt.
That's when we knew we'd gone too far.
She wouldn't wail on us or anything.
But it would scare us pretty thoroughly.
And this would be playing in the background the whole time.



Dad had a handle.
On the CB radio.
Which was crucial for communicating to the Bradbury's.
To tell them that it was time to 'gas up.'
Or that there was a 'KOA campground in about half an hour or so.'
Then my brothers and I would consult the campground directory.
Which existed.
To verify whether or not the KOA in question had an arcade.
What was I talking about?
Oh yeah!
Dad's handle.
Well, Mr. Bradbury was 'Jake' for some reason that I can't recall.
And there was a television show on the go which had a star named Jake.
So dad got the other name from the show.
The Fat Man.
That was dad's handle.
"Fat man, have you got your ears on?"
This was my childhood.

The latch on the fridge door was unreliable.
Whenever dad took a left too sharply the fridge would spring open and cans of coke roll onto the floor.