'Go bungee jumping,' they said.
'Fine, we'll go somewhere for you to get a sandwich right after the bungee jumping,' they said-
it would look like this:
An orange prom dress worn a year too late.
A helium balloon.
Peach yogurt on a doorstep.
A typewriter.
A Tim Horton's chicken salad sandwich.
A Polaroid camera.
(sex)
Red shoes and a history class.
Boots I didn't like and friends younger than me.
A massive lull (this doesn't describe a romance
but a massive lull).
An uncle's house in Canmore.
A dog that was alright.
Boots that I really didn't like.
Sudoku and weed pipes.
Caesar salads.
Caramel suns drizzled over plates I washed.
A plane and a too-big room.
A stuffed chicken breast.
A party I was going to skip.
Conical party hats with Triceratops on them.
Inappropriate postage.
A chaperoned date.
Pad Thai in the afternoon.
("Spidoodle!")
Inappropriate postage.
A chaperoned date.
Pad Thai in the afternoon.
("Spidoodle!")
Then I'd hit the ground and head to Valhalla.
Where these women would feed me grapes for eternity, I suppose.
I think that The Stones are bullshit.
Or Mic Jagger.
I think that Mic Jagger is bullshit.
If you watch him do his peacock strut, you should be thinking to yourself:
Now there's a man who didn't deserve half of the sex that he got.
He did write 'Paint it Black,' though.
And this tune:
Which pardons his on-stage antics.
Very marginally.
10 comments:
Can my big fuck-off boots be on here?
I like this one.
He once put his dick in a tube filled with angry bees and the bees would sting his dick. He did this because someone told him it might make his dick bigger. How desperately small is your bird if you are willing to go along with multiple bee stings in the hopes that it MIGHT get bigger?
I was going to say 'hideous angsty teenage boots' or something like that.
But I thought the boot theme was getting overdone by that point.
And I could picture you sitting at your computer going, 'I knew it!'
How do you make bees angry?
Like, how do you know they're emoting?
hideous is a little strong.
you'll be glad to know i've almost kicked the shit out of them. 10 years later. you can see my sock through the toe now.
No love fax?
-M.
i thought 'hideous' might be too strong.
i never did that bumble bee thing with my penis.
bees terrify me.
Miranda I don't know what you're talking about.
Your love fax! Circa the Torbay Road Apt era (February 2006)...one cold winter's night, you sent a love fax to an unsuspecting front desk agent at the Travellers Inn....ring any bells? :)
It always comes down to shoes with you, doesn't it?
I'm thinking I have to retire the red sneaks soon (holes in the soles). Sad day.
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