To Have and To Scold

I do plan to get married.
To a woman.
Despite the fact that, whoever she is, she may disagree.
I'm on the fence about kids.
Because you have to keep feeding them and telling them they're significant in some way.
If you don't then they might not call you when you're old.
And apparently that's a very awful experience for an old person.
I'm not good with dependants.
Besides, it's a risk.
What if the kid turns out to look hideous?
Then I have to tell it that it's significant and unobjectionable.
More lies than I'm accustomed to in the run of a day.
And I'm already living so many...

My friends have begun to get married.
Which I'm surprisingly fine with.
I suppose because I keep forgetting about it.
But they have married friends.
That's more unsettling.
Marriage is, so far as I can tell, a longing, desperate search.
For new topics to argue about.
Until you find that really special topic that you can argue about until you're old.
And your children aren't calling you.

You know the hardest aspect of visiting unfamiliar newlyweds?
Figuring out which of their towels you're supposed to use.