Home is Where the Light Is

I'm in a coffee shop right now because, really, where else am I going to be?
I watched a cute film last night.
It was called Friends With Kids.
I give it three and a half Paul Warfords.
Out of a possible five Paul Warfords.
Or The Car Load, as I call it sometimes.
It would have gotten four Paul Warfords because the movie was really witty.
That stopped being the case, however, in the last two to four minutes.
Which are, some would say, the most crucial minutes.
Alas, three and a half.
What films get The Car Load, you ask (because I'm saying that you do)?
I can't really think of any. 
I could tell you a Car Load for food, maybe.
...
...
No I can't.
Picking favourites can be tricky.
Oh shit. I'm beginning to hate this post.
Rich people have such large houses.
I'm not talking about your suicidal dentist down the street.
There are wealthy people in any neighborhood (except ghettos and everywhere I've ever lived).
But I'm talking about the rich people who are wealthy enough to hide the fact that they're rich.
Which is, I assume, very difficult to do.
But then, anything is possible with a budget.
These people live in the cul de sacs you hear of, but could never locate.
These dollar havens always have telltale names.
Usually the word 'Court' is in there somewhere.
Or, continuing the regal theme, 'King Something'.
Other popular words might be, 'View'.
'Breeze'.
'Harbour'.
'Country'.
'Club'.
Such regions have houses that look like one house was glued to another.
Palaces.
And as I pass these places (after rummaging through their garbage), I feel compelled to knock on their door, and just say:
"What is it that you do?
What do you own?
Who do you own?"
I'd love to try that just once in my lifetime.
*knock knock* (this is stage direction)
"Speak, peasant!"
"Yeah, hi. Sorry to bother you or whatever.
I'm just wondering how you came to buy this place?"
"I killed everyone I know for the insurance money."
What would you do with your own lighthouse?
I don't have a lighthouse, but this guy does.
Simply because he's the best at throwing an oversized toothpick on his continent.
If I had a lighthouse, I'd shine it into my neighbor's eyeballs.
Just to lord it over them.
"Bright light earlier this morning?
You think that was me?
...
Oh, ooooh. Yeah, that was me.
Just thought you'd like some help guiding your car into your driveway."
Alright, this has gone on for long enough.
Have a good day, alright?
Wherever you happen to hang your hat.