I have to give you all of the information from our trip before I forget that we went on a trip.
This is an easy place to start because it's already written (though it's not terribly chronological).
I knew a guy who was terribly chronological once.
On time for everything, and he was always a prick about it.
Always knew what the day's date was and he had a real attitude about timelines.
Anyway, we went on a tour of The Cliffs of Moher (pronounced 'Mo-Hair', 'Mo-Er', or 'More'. I have no idea which).
Perhaps our most tourist-y gallivant, we boarded a sightseeing coach that we managed to get on within seconds of their leaving.
Andie and I are not terribly chronological, luckily.
Here's a rundown:
9:55 - Due to leave at 10, Andie and I avoid traffic as we run (twice in the wrong direction) to catch the Galway Tours bus.
10 - Eamon convinces us to buy tickets, at 25€ apiece. With no bank machines in sight and no time, we now have our tickets and 15€ between us.
10:05 - Eamon starts the engine and unsuccessfully tries to endear himself to the full bus of tourists. Andie and I are forced to sit separately. Some guy asks me what my shirt says (it says "Uncle Paul Fart Face").
10:10 - I begin listening to music on my phone to tune out Eamon, who is not charming enough to endure this early in the day on no food. With 7% battery following a non-breakfast, tensions are high.
10:27 - Eamon describes the water tower.
10:28 - I see a cow that looks suspiciously dead. Eamon asks if we believe in faeries.
10:40 - I worry the lady in the seat next to me is not enjoying the tour.
10:45 - Eamon somehow reverses our bus into a parking lot. During our first stop he encourages us to photograph an ancient ruin while Andie and I instead look for coffee and food. We find neither. We pat a German Shepherd and get back on the bus.
11:01 - Sheep!
11:20 - Eamon continues to unimpress the passengers--myself included.
11:33 - We visit an ancient abbey and Andie asks Eamon about a coffee break; one is forthcoming. Meanwhile, sparks are flying between myself and the utterly silent woman sitting next to me. As a consequence, everyone's spirits are improving.
12:16 - The bus possé halts in The Burren for snacks and the fascilities. With no card services at the café, we spend all but four of our euros on a bacon sandwich and carrot cake. I hold brief conversation with a presumed lesbian from California.
1:02 - We pause in a dale of sorts and walk in a full circle around the area, noting its beauty while avoiding its many tripping hazards. We do this as a group, but we do not hold hands.
1:13 - The fellow wary of my t-shirt informs some dames from North Carolina that he is from Texas. I admonish him for owning guns (in my head). I continue to notice the sad countenance of my seat-mate. I also take first notice of the size of her breasts and try to get a better look at them.
1:15-? - I nap.
2:00 - We take lunch at Gus 'O Connor's, which ends up being a wonderful meal. We browse overpriced knitwear before returning to the bus.
2:43 - Eamon drives away from the rest stop, noting that we are "short one person" while doing so. Bus passengers exchange sideways glances at this news as an American fellow presents himself behind the bus by waving his arms frequently. Eamon continues to drive away to the delight of the other passengers--myself included. He eventually stops and collects the stray idiot.
3:00 - We arrive at the Cliffs of Moher and vacate the tour bus, but not before Eamon's stressing that he would be leaving the parking lot at 4:30 sharp, with or without any of us. Andie and I note the beauty of the cliffs and take many photos.
3:05 - She and I notice a coast guard helicopter in flight, as well as a coast guard boat in the harbour. I dismiss this as a 'drill' while Andie suggests they are in search of a human body.
3:30 - We pass many wide-eyed cows and tourists. I feel greatly intimidated by the depth of the cliffs and keep great distance from their edging. We pass buffoons standing at the cliff's precipice who are posing for photographs. I accuse them of likely being arachnophobics who do not know what they should be afraid of.
4:05 - We note our nearing the 4:30 departure time and decide to begin the hike back, taking Eamon at his word. The returning trek, uphill, proves far more challenging than the walk down had been.
4:15 - We stop at the gift shop for iced cream. The Texan gentleman asks for a euro coin to smoosh in the Euro Smoosher, giving us a 2€ coin in return. I decide I should be less hard on strangers.
4:30 - We return to the bus and depart. I make more attempts to view my seatmate's breasts through false stretching, etc.
5:00-5:45 - Eamon describes the coast as I try unsuccessfully to nap again.
5:38 - Alpacas!
6:01 - A black and white dog comes out of a house on our route to do a little dance. This appears to be the highlight of the tour for most passengers.
6:01-6:30 - We continue to the bus depot. En route, Eamon mentions the circling helicopters and boats, saying it was rumored someone jumped from the Cliffs of Moher that day. The bus quieted, yet I myself felt nothing new. Tripping over one's own shoelace to plummet 702ft is one thing, but as for jumping, well...we all must make our own choices. Personally, I would choose not to waste the time of the national coast guard when I didn't need saving, but then, some people are very selfish.
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