The Tragic Mentor

I don't do the whole celebrity thing.

Not anymore. I once did.
I got my picture taken with Hayden in '04. And I was excited about it.
But I believe that I've grown out of the fanfare.
Cause they're just people really. That lucked out.
Jennifer Garner poops.
So does Mic Jagger.
Except for Larry David.
Larry David doesn't poop. He's too funny to need to.
It's not his co-creating Seinfeld. It's more him. He just seems like a person I would legitimately identify with. Excusing the Judaism, the 450 million dollars, and the male-pattern baldness, I think we have a decent amount in common.
I used to point out examples when watching his fancy HBO show.
Jane would say that I was just trying to sound like I had a lot in common with him.
Which is true.
But sometimes, when I'm late for something and I'm sitting waiting for my third red light in a row to change, and I'm shaking my head sullenly as I watch the front-end loader lazily make its way down the street ahead of me, in the only lane that's open because the other is being painted and then the Burton's pond ducks (adorable as they are) end up crossing the street in front of me and I get to the campus to find no available spaces in the Cabot lot and I park in the first space I come across and I make my way across the lawn and then I turn back for my books and I sweat as I scurry to the class that I'm late for and I find it to be cancelled and I return to my car after a ten minute period to find my freshest parking ticket, I think to myself that maybe, just maybe, I'm a born loser.
And there's not a lot wrong with that.
Because that's funny.
It's just that I happen to think that Larry David is, too.
He's the guy who always misses the bus by inches.
But he lucked out.
So, he's the only celebrity I would like to meet.
Of course he ate dinner at the restaurant I worked at in Banff 6 months after my leaving the town.
What would I say to him anyway?
"You and I are of the same mold, Larry David."
"I think one of your hairs is in my food."