I'll Never Forget Wassername

Colin has a new missus now.
How wild is that?
I can't get into too much detail because he'll castrate me if I do so, but I can tell you this much:

• her voice is high and, at times, piercing.
• she coaches cheerleading.

...
Anyway, I figured I should break her in quickly.
Here are some examples:

Colin: Wassername* brought you a cinamon bun. She figured she should start offering you food.
Wassername (after bringing me the bun on a plate): Do you want me to heat it up in the microwave for you?
Me: What I want you to do is get out of the way of the TV.

On one of our first interactions:
Me (to Colin): Yo, I'm going to Skinner's. Do you want anything?
Colin: Nah, I'm alright.
Me (to Wassername): New girl? You want anything?

If all of this seems unnecessarily bastardly to you, the beginning of this post may clear it up, at least somewhat.

*for potential legal reasons, I'm not using her actual name.
Also, I never refer to her actual name when I speak about her anyway.