Losing Their Grip

Sure, I could tell you a bunch of things.
But today is yesterday is yesterday is yesterday.
Living in Bay Roberts begins to wear thin.
I get excited when my parents go somewhere at night because it gives me the opportunity to listen to things loudly.
And watch pornography.
I am twelve years old.
It was hard enough the first time 'round.

Cats only stick around with you because they want to avenge the loss of their claws.
What a thing to do to a pet.
Sure, you'd take out a skunk's stink gland.
But it's a 'stink gland'.
Even the skunk probably gets it.
"Wouldn't want to get stuck with me in an elevator," the skunk would say.But a cat's claws?
I mean, Jesus.
Cats are bred to pounce on and shred things.
Anyone reading this who has a de-clawed cat should know:
Your cat would tear your fucking eyes out.
If it only had its claws to do it with.
Then it would sharpen them on the couch.
As you ran around screaming.
Banging into stuff.

We only had to tell each other to 'drive carefully' when cars were new.
Man 1: You're riding in one of those cars?
Man 2: Christ, I've heard of those.
Y'know they require no oats whatsoever to power them.
Man 1: Drive carefully. Because you've never done it before.

These days we have seatbelts.
Driving carefully is for people taking their road tests, and the Amish.
You can never make fun of them enough.