Day Tryppin'

Happy pagan affront to gluttony, everyone.
I have eaten two turkey dinners, and the tryptophan is making me lucid and apathetic.
More so.
Thanksgiving is such an inconsequential holiday.
I don't understand why it is that we still celebrate it.
Well, I do.
People who work for the government don't have to go to work.
People who work for the government love not going to work.
On the bright side, anyone working in Baby Gap today will be getting time and a half.
That's 1.5 times as much mouthwash that they can afford on their next paycheck.
Which is how I measure wealth.

Speaking of earning your inebriation, what a weekend I had at Yuk's.
Thursday I went over my time by 15 minutes and an old comic (Bobby Keele) yelled at me.
I really, truly deserved it.
Friday I slammed it. Dominated.
I told all of the teachers in the room that I wanted to have sex with them.
Jennifer Snow was there.
I stand by my statement.
Saturday night...
I can't really describe it effectively.
I have never been hugged so many times after a show.
Strangers were offering to hug me.
The wait staff...
But it wasn't me.
It was them.
I would have been good.
If they had let me.
So, I was able to focus entirely on the sexuality of the hugs.
Because I didn't really need the comforting effects of them.
I told the crowd that I had been to more sophisticated cockfights.
Someone may have laughed at this if the audience had been able to hear me.
Sometimes tables of nimrods need to be escorted to a parking lot.
Increases the likelihood they'll be struck by cars.
And there were no employees willing to send the drunk men to the parking lot.
I miss Bill.