Fantasy of the Opera

I'm not thoughtful enough to actually remember gift ideas.
I always write them down.
Like when I'm in the toy aisle at Zeller's and I see Colin eyeing the Legos.
Avril mentioned the opera to me yesterday.
We've all been there, right fellas?
And that reminded me that I had once intended to buy her opera gloves.
To go with the pairs that she already has.
Anyway.
Even though she didn't really ask me to go, I responded to the idea just the same.
And, since I'm obviously too lazy to come up with new posts these days...
Enjoy!


So are you asking me to go to the opera?
That's a little TV clichéd, isn't it?
Well, it isn't.
But if you asked me to go on the same night as the big football game match it would be.
And all of my football buddies rented a big screen TV just for the big game.
And I have to go and see it. I just have to.
But I don't know what to tell you, and I promised you the last time that there was a big football game during the opera that I would go with you this time.
And it's our anniversary.
But I really want to watch the game.
Then it dawns on one of my football buddies that the opera starts a couple of hours earlier than the football game does.
So, we can do this:
I could go to the opera, but wear my football TV game clothing under my tux.
Then, during the opera's intermission, I could fake a seizure and have my football buddy, who is also a paramedic, come by and get me from the opera house.
He'll assure you that I'm fine and that you should enjoy the rest of the opera while they tend to me.
Then I can get changed in the back of the ambulance.
And we can make it to kickoff just in time because my football buddy can drive with the sirens on.
And I say to my football buddy "that's perfect!"
But when you and I go to the opera, you surprise me by telling me that your old college buddy Dennis is in town for one night only, and you have asked him and his wife to join us for the opera.
And it turns out that Dennis and his wife are both medical doctors.
So, now I don't know what I'm going to do because I'm concerned that I can't fake a seizure convincingly any more.
And I'm sweating under my tuxedo in my football clothes.
So, I decide that I'll be really crude during the first portion of the opera in the hopes that I'll offend Dennis and his wife away from our seats before the intermission.
I caress and fondle Dennis' Wife's arms and thighs during the performance.
And I shout at the performers that I can't understand what they're talking about because I don't speak Italian.
And I tell Dennis that he needs to lose some weight.
Then I excuse myself and phone my football buddies from the bathroom.
To tell them that the plan has hit a snag.
But it turns out that Dennis' Wife is really into me because I'm forward and take-charge and so she follows me to the bathroom.
And tries to undo my belt buckle.
And I've been watching a lot of classic pornography lately (I really have), so I just sort of go with it and let her take my pants off in the bathroom.
And she begins performing on me orally.
And I say into the phone "I gotta go," and then hang it up.
Then Dennis comes into the washroom because he has to use it and he's wondering where his wife went.
He sees her fellating me and gets really angry, but then he sort of calms down really quickly and begins undoing his belt buckle.
And then you come by because you don't know where everyone else is.
You start touching and caressing Dennis' member and that's okay because you're wearing opera gloves.

I guess what I'm saying is that I could go with you, but you might be able to find another friend who will appreciate it more.
Maybe I'll turn this into a blog post...


And scene.

I hate these little videos that everyone has to watch these days.
These litte...y'know...videos.
YouTube is infested with these videos that you've 'gotta see!'
This might turn into one of those.
If it hasn't already.
But, I hate to say, you gotta see it.


The real question is:
How did the young couple get their hands on what looks like an endangered animal?
The camerawork, disembodied hands, and whispered tones remind me of amateur porn.