A Fine Time

I'm in a hotel lobby.
There are politicians everywhere.
That's not really true.
But Jack Layton was here earlier.
It's funny how TV affects your brain.
Because, really, Jack Layton is a man that I'm not interested in.
I'd have lunch with him, but I'd tune him out just like anyone else.
But when I saw him, I immediately thought, "Holy shit, is that Jack Layton?"
People will do that with me someday.
They'll think, "Holy shit, is that Jack Layton?"
And then they'll size me up and realize, "Oh, no, it's just some dead beat.
Rummaging through garbage."
Anyway, I could tell it was him because he used the word 'platform'.
And he looked as though he was listening very carefully to whoever was speaking to him.
His whole job, really.
Besides promoting the colour orange.
Which, I must say, he's pretty good at.

I paid the hotel $200 to environmentally clean my room.
After the security man busted me for smoking in there.
It wasn't me doing the smoking, really.
Well, not all of it.
I don't handle confrontation with security well.
I have a nasty habit of immediately telling the truth.
"Are you smoking in that room?"
"Absolutely. And I'm enjoying it immensely."
And I just want the situation to resolve itself as quickly as possible.
"That's a $200 fine."
"Great. Let me give you my name and bank account number."
He said that he hated doing his job.
But he was smiling the entire time...

It was lovely, though.
Kyle Radke is a very funny man, and one worth looking up to.
He has big teeth, but they don't register as big when you speak to him, y'know?
Nadine and Steph Rogers dropped by to brighten my day.
Which they were always good at.
They once straightened my hair against my will when I was 18.
Holy shit.
That was eleven years ago.
Anyway.

I went shopping for sexy stockings with Peter White yesterday.
Everyone should do this at least once in their lifetime.
We went to La Senza first.
I did all of the talking.
But when the woman responded to me, she addressed both of us.
As we walked out I told Pete that I feared she thought we wanted the stockings.
For ourselves.
In our private time.
Not the case though.
They're more for my girlfriend's legs and washing machine.
The woman suggested The Bay.
"I hate the Bay," Peter whined.
"Well, this is going to be a rough day for you," I replied.
We wandered while Pete's girlfriend asked me what sort of stockings I wanted.
The more I described them, the more she seemed to think they were a bad idea.
As we walked around a couple of old bitties passed by.
And I Realized that they're The Bay's main clientele.
Then I realized that we wouldn't be finding sexy anything at The Bay.
We stopped by H&M.
A chain we don't have in Newfoundland.
Their (regular) socks are awesome.
And gay men claim that their men's' underwear is lovely to buy and wear.
But the store is very disorienting.
There are mirrors and pitch-black mannequins everywhere.
I tried to find an employee and eventually found a woman.
To Pete, "She's putting clothes on racks, she probably works here."
"Nope, I'm just hanging these things up," she responds.
I think that she's throwing me friendly salesperson banter.
So I go on.
"Can you tell me where to find sexy..."
Then I realize that she has a stroller with her.
And it has a baby in it.
"That took you a long time to figure out," Peter said as she walked away.

Peter White had a lovely vehicle rented.
I would have accidentally opened the door and spilled out onto the road as we moved.
Luckily he had the doors locked.
Peter knows all of the necessary precautions.
He's spent some time with me by now.