What Do You Get the Generation Who Has Everything?

Steal a roll of drink tickets.
It's Friday.

Why can't the dads be against drunk driving also?
Tragedies can make men empassioned, too.
Sure, it would end up being a FADD, probably, but it's nice to get them off of the couch.
Am I right, ladies?! Am I right!?

I have nothing to tell you people.
I really peed my pants onstage last night, which was miserable.
It's tough to describe the emotional anguish associated with taking a dump under the bright lights.
Imagine the let-downdest you've ever been with yourself.
Then compound that with the shared dissapointment of 30-120 people.
Give or take.
It took me until today to realize that I'm sick of the opener I use.
I just sort of hoped I could use it until I eventually run away from this industry to become a teacher.
But this is the holidays.
I shouldn't be talking about work right now.

It's hard to write things that are positive while you're listening to Fiona Apple.
But she has the tunes.
Lisa Loeb's tortured contemporary.

Fuck Chuck Norris.
We collectively resurrected this man.
We can collectively bury him (a second time).
One dude writes a bunch of wacky shit about your beard taking over Kansas or...whatever.
Suddenly you're on TV again.
The Internet makes fools of us all.
We're going to get bored with it, you know.
The Internet.
There is only so much funny shit your dad can say.
He's going to tire himself out.
The LOLCats will all eventually age, get osteoporosis and die.
The Internet is the greatest communicative FADD the world will ever see.
But there will come a time when Wikipedia is as ICQ as cassette tapes.

And this can't come too soon.
As a moonlighting educator, I know how stupid children are.
They're stupid because they're smart enough to have figured out that they don't need to learn anything.
Look at it from their perspective.
Put yourself back in the classroom of your memory, but this time, take your iPhone along.
They really don't need to bother trying.
And when you think about it, would you?

The cat picture looks welfare, I know, but you get the idea.
It took a great deal of my patience to get it to look this good.
He's saying, "I can haz 15 more minutes?" The stereo speaker got in the way of the text.
That's Puss, in his first blog cameo.
He likes getting into boxes.

Fiona flushed her own career when she said "this world is bullshit."
She was wrong; the world's okay.
But I think it has seen better days.
See! I told you it's hard to be positive while listening to her.
Bah Humbug, everybody!

 Coincidentally, this live performance seems to have taken place during Christmas.