Only Begotten Sun

Text your drug dealer (then your backup drug dealer, then your buddy's backup drug dealer).
It's Friday.

Why aren't we worshipping the sun?
I understand that it has its flaws as a deity.
It doesn't look wise in paintings.
It doesn't have a mouth (a god shouldn't need one, by the way).
It's definable through science.
Golden calves are explainable by science, too.
That doesn't mean we shouldn't be worshipping them.
The sun should be our messiah.
Now, I know that the sun has been just that for some cultures in the past.
I know that this is not a new concept.
So, I'm explaining why it is that I think these people were/are right.
The sun makes for a great god due to a bunch of reasons:

1. It provides nourishment, comfort and continuity for every living being on the planet (except Cave Fish). 

2. It is, and always shall be, beyond our reach. 

3. Though it can be looked upon, overdoing it will fuck up your retinas.

4. It can kill, or smite, individuals (skin cancer). 

5. It could, on a whim, feasibly eradicate the existence of humanity.

What more could you want?

Now, I'll be the first to admit that it's not an especially marketable god.

Looks sort of silly on a gold necklace.

And it would be hard to convince people that the sun wrote a book. 

However, with the right group of business interns, I think that you could get some coins in the coffers. 

Sunglasses are the obvious way to go. 

Look upon The One True Orb with Divinity Shades. 

Make manifest The Sun's bounty with 100% UV protection. 

You could also market those mirror things that women use to sunbathe in Clueless. 

Maybe not Clueless. 

You know the thing I'm talking about. 

It looks like a tinfoil version of the boards you'd post your science fair notes on. 

It has folds, and you hold it on your torso and it reflects the rays into your face. 

Those things. 

You could market those as something The Sun would want you to buy. 

The idea is not as daft as it sounds. 

It makes much more sense to me than any other worship options that we have right now.

And the best part?

Church would be a day at the beach.