Paul Bearer

There was a terrible storm on the day Nan was burried.
People joked that if she were alive she would've said to stay home out of the cold.
They were right.
I carried one sixth of her to her final resting place.
The casket weighed a fair amount, I think.
Otherwise six of us probably wouldn't have been necessary.
She used to give me change to blow on Ghost Rider comics at The Red Circle.
Apparently, when she did, I used to shout "I got two gold dollars!"
Which was hilarious to my parents and grandparents.
Because I was theirs. Which made me charming.
I'd imagine that anyone sharing a plane with me would have disagreed.
Anyway, I left a couple of loonies in her casket.
Because I'm dramatic.
I've never left anything in a casket before...
I was wary, though, of the mortuary staff thinking it was some 'pay the ferryman' bullshit.
Later we had tea and everyone asked me if I was getting substitute time.
And I just wanted to lie and say that I was writing for Modern Dog Magazine.