"We'll let you know."

No calls to substitute today.
But I still have to be on alert.
The mayor may call me to stop those three generic guys from robbing the bank.
I just keep me costume on under my suit.
It's important to show up quickly.
Make a good impression.
My parents believe that you should be early for everything.
And, as always, they're about 90% correct.
There are, however, exceptions.
Like when I had to go to the loan office to score crusts of bread.
"Get your ass out of bed now tomorrow, and be over there for 9 o' clock."
That's as profane as my mother gets.
"Ass."
Sometimes, when she forgets something she was supposed to bring, she says, "Aww, piss!"
Which I never found that funny until I wrote it down just now.
Anyway, where was I?
Dishonouring thy mother and father?
Gotcha.
Loan office.
Who wants to wait for three hours at the loan office with a bunch of ingrates?
I do, but I usually have classes to get to.
You want a fast trip at the loan office, go at 2:30 in the afternoon.
All of the keen losers have left by that time and are likely eating bran somewhere.

I can never understand how people are in such a rush to line up to board a plane.
They saunter on all of the grandmas and Bettys, weiner asshole children
(That I'll be sitting next to).
And people are on the edges of their seats.
"Again, this is flight some-particular-number, we're ready to start-"
People are pushing in front of one another.
I don't even get up.
I feel like saying, "Fuckers, we're all getting on the same plane.
We have assigned seats.
This isn't like getting to the back of the bus."
Retards.

Now there's the concern that I'll get a permanent position down here.
Somewhere.
That'll solidify the spinster life for me.
I'll get a job teaching in Hermitage.
And suddenly I'll have an inexplicable appreciation for Springer Spaniels.
I'll have Springer Spaniels sewn onto all of my pillows.
And my sweaters.
I'll never own a Springer Spaniel, mind you.
People will find themselves behind me in line at the grocery store.
And that'll be occaison enough to tell their spouses.
"You'll never guess who I saw at SaveEasy."
"Then you best tell me who it was."
"Paul Warford!"
"Oh, that dog! What was he buying? Eukenuba!? What a prick!"
Can't happen.
I get a job in Hermitage and my buddies will talk about me like I'm dead.
"Hey, we should get a pizza."
"Warford used to love Pizza..."
Everyone becomes silent...
"Alright, so what should we get on it?"
I'm going to throw any interviews that I get.
I'm not that capable, but I could accomplish this well enough, I think.
"Hi, hello. Before we get started, I just think that I should admit that I find you very attractive.
Okay. Shoot."
"I can work for you, if you wish.
But one day, we'll all work for the newly-risen comintern.
The sweat of our backs belong to all.
In fact, I brought some pamphlets that I thought you might like to read.
Okay. Shoot."
"Why do I want to be a teacher?
It's more discreet than basketball coach or mall Santa.
Okay. Shoot."