A Warford Divided

I'm really depressed.
Let's see if you subordinates can cheer me up.
I may be depressed for any or all of the following reasons:

(A) I've been doing math recently.
(B) Fall in Newfoundland is just a more colourful version of winter.
(C) Tony and Michelle flew away on a plane a few hours ago, and I wasn't on it.

It's hard to explain how such an amorous bond can develop in such a short period of time.
Such solidarity.
I don't know if it was the rails upon rails of cocaine that we did together.
Or if it was the laughing that we did as Tony slugged mailbox after mailbox while I drove and Michelle took pictures.
It had to be Tony; he has the longest wingspan.
Though I never told him, Tony made me feel okay about every time that someone has said to me:
"Paul sit down. You're making me nervous."
I visited them in their hovel yesterday.
I was in the bathroom, tasting Michelle's makeup
When I noticed their little travel tube of toothpaste.
And as I did, I realized that I wanted so badly to be them.
So, I've been speaking with my agent. And my brother.
About moving to Toronto.
But let's not tell mom just yet.

I'm in the Education building library right now.
Because I have trouble letting go.
But not as much as I have trouble with straightforward calculations.
Which I have been doing all afternoon.
Sort of.
I figure if I brush up on my Physics I could substitute teach Physics.
I'm only at displacement and it's not going well.
Anyway, I just noticed an anonymous tube of lip balm.
And I took it.
Because I was complaining all weekend that my lips were chapped.
Now I'm taking the initiative.
Don't worry; I'm going to sanitize my hands very thoroughly before I use it.