Eat the Rich

If you have trouble remembering what you ate yesterday, grow a mustache.
Then, if you're struggling to recall, you can suck on it pensively for hints.
"Tastes like...brine. With a hint of lemon...
Eureka! I had cod. With lemon wedges!"
People should more frequently say 'eureka!' in conversation.
"Oh fuck, I lost my contact lens.
Eureka! Left it under the baby! Alright, I'm ready for kickboxing now."

I believe it's time for the mustache to skedaddle, though, just the same.
This was the first Christmas in which I felt like keeping the mustache after the holidays.
But that is probably out of a yearning to do nothing and drink casually on weekdays.
Rather than a desire to look like some sort of a prostitute.
I'm surprised, though, at how casually people will tell me that I look bad.
With the mustache, that is.
Generally people are otherwise secretive about what they think of my appearance.
Whispered in dark alleys and school cafeterias.
"He's ghoulish!"
"Imagine seeing him in the shower!"
[in unison] "Ewwwww!"
But I had several people tell me at a Dymond family function (lawn darts) to "lose it."
And they have not been the only ones.
Which doesn't bother me.
What bothers me is that if I said, "You're right.
And while we're discussing style, you should ditch those shoes; they look hideous."
That would be considered frightfully rude.

Oh!
I keep forgetting to ask you this.
It was a Question of the Week for me recently.
Ahem:

IF YOU COULD GRIN UP ANY CELEBRITY INTO A BURGER AND EAT THEM, WHOM WOULD YOU CHOOSE?

Now, as a stipulation to vegetarians, Sobol came up with a clever abridged version:
If you could grind any celebrity into a hamburger and feed it to another celebrity, whom would you choose?
That's an option if eating even metaphorical meat bothers you somehow.
Leave your answers in the comment section.
The owner of the best answer will receive a scented candle with an AM/FM radio built into it.