Three Square Meals and One DJ

I'm still having trouble processing this.
Because, y'see, I thought the bum was really good at singing.
Because all of the articles claimed that he has a 'golden voice'.
Leave it to Yahoo! to bring you all of the pressing news.
About charming hobos and cats that can swim.
But the bum doesn't sing.
He's not a singing bum.
Avril explained that he has like...a radio voice, I guess.
Like, okay. You know the guy who does all of the movie trailers?
Well, when he dies, from what I can understand, this bum will be eligible to take over.
He's like Casey Kasem, if Casey Kasem had ever lived under a bridge.
I haven't watched any press on this guy.
None accompanied by sound, anyway.
I saw him on Oprah.
They keep him dressed as a bum.
Keep him in the rags so that the riches seem even richer.
Camouflaged rags.
Yes, he's got 'er scald now.
He'll no longer have to use discarded pizza boxes to communicate what he wants to say.
It's double-corrugated for him from now on.
He can write messages like:
BRING ME MORE MALT LIQUOR, SERVANT!
With only the freshest of magic markers.
Socks that are freshly darned.
Kicked back in the mansion that his freakish trick has earned him.
A barrel fire burning in every room.