Are You Still Here?

I recently bought pornography from an airport news stand.
That's right.
In print.
I also still do my banking in a bank.

My parents only get to experience 'empty nest syndrome' when I go to buy gas.
With their money.

Really, we should get our tombstones on our first birthdays.
That should be our first birthday gift.
They have the party hat on Ruddiger.
His grandparents are there.
Ruddiger has his birthday outfit on.
He's in his high chair.
He's needy. He's confused.
And then they open his gift for him because he can't grip anything.
To display, in marble:

RUDDIGER SURNAME
A MONUMENTAL DISAPPOINTMENT
BORN DECEMBER 14, 2010
DIED ____________

That way, Ruddiger will always be aware of the fact that his time on this earth is fleeting.
He'll also realize, with age, that his parents were jerks for picking that epitaph for him.
Adults complain that kids believe that they're 'invincible'.
"Driving their goddamn cars on two wheels.
Kids think they're invincible these days."
I believe that adults think they're invincible, too.
Until they're diagnosed with something or the plane fails to leave the tarmac.
This would solve this problem for everyone.
Young and old.

Do you think that animals realize that they're doomed?
Probably.
But you have to wonder.
When a deer is eating grass in a clearing, does he think:
"Eating grass is so boring.
I can't believe I have to do this until the end of time."
Or does he eat grass in a clearing and think:
"I'm incredibly vulnerable right now."