The Good Fight

I'll tell you what's wrong with 'Movember'.
Really, it's the name.
If you want to act like you're changing something, that's fine.
But don't give it a retarded name that a junior high class would think up-
And I would know.
Kids are illiterate as it is.
You have enough grown men and women calling the month 'Movember'.
And children will believe that that's what it's actually called.
Then they'll assume from looking at calendars that the sound an 'M' makes is actually spelled with an 'N'.
Then I'll have to teach them the difference.
When they're in grade eight and failing language arts.
So you're making work for me.

Besides.
Now men will be encouraged to grow mustaches every year at this time.
Because you want to 'fight cancer'.
'Fighting cancer' is having luekemia.
It's not altering how you groom yourself.
People only do this shit because:
A) Everyone knows someone who has died from it, and
B) Everyone, though they won't admit it, is afraid of getting it.
And they delude themselves into thinking that if they 'fight cancer' then they must be a nice enough person to not get cancer.
The exact same principle is behind most forms of worship.
Ignoring that, you can't fix a problem by throwing money at it.
Polio wasn't cured with ribbons pinned to lapels.
And wheelbarrows of ducats and sovereigns.
It was Jonas.
Jonas alone figured it out.
Probably while he was living with his parents and surviving on Spaghetti-O's.
Cancer will be resolved in the same manner.
Or not at all.
So, take your car ribbon stickers.
And your rubber band bracelettes.
And put them in a pile.
Set them ablaze, and while doing so face facts:
They don't make a fuckin' difference.
You wanna 'fight cancer', get a couple of buddies and a pickup truck.
Wrap some tow cables around the legs of a cell phone tower.
And haul that fucker down.

Geez, I'm moody today.
Aren't I moody?