O, Come Off It

Tonight is Oprah's big finale.
Her grand send-off.
She's leaving TV so that she can better control it.
Have you ever watched her network before?
It's really shitty.
And you may not think that that affects you now.
But it certainly will when it's the only network.
For her final show there is speculation as to who the guest will be.
Some said that it was going to be Tom Cruise.
But she already had him on there.
Jumping around on the furniture.
Others believe that it might be Tyra Banks.
Since she's hanging from Oprah's tit anyway.
(Dr. Phil is on the other one).
However, rumours are now cropping that the guest is going to be...Oprah herself!
Hardly a surprise.
She puts out a magazine, names it after herself and then puts herself on every cover.
Gossip has gone on to say that Oprah will address the audience as herself.
And, after giving each person in the crowd their own oil tanker, she's going to shut and lock the doors of the United Center with her mind.
Then she's going to set fire to the entire building.
Tomorrow on ET Mary Hart will say:
"Things were heating up last night on Oprah's send-off show..."
The ground-up bones of her audience members will be used in her new cosmetics line.

...
Sometimes people are taken aback by my aversion to Oprah.
And I really don't get it.
I could call Bill Gates the anti-christ and no one would bat an eye.
You don't become a billionaire magnate by being really nice.
It just doesn't work that way.
How she appears on TV is not genuine.
Just because you give away a bunch of Pontiac G6s doesn't mean you're compassionate.
Look at the women in this photo:

Do any of them look like they need cars?
Do you think any of them took a bus to the taping of the show?
She uses money and power to buy support and numbers.
Military dictators do the same thing.
"But why would she need the support of middle-aged white women?"
It would certainly be a key demographic on the campaign trail, wouldn't it?
Especially when all of the wives make their husbands vote for her, too.
Fuck Oprah.
I hope her guest tonight is Lucifer, just so I can say, "I told ya so."