And Iiiiiiii-ee-iii-ee-iii Will Always Love True

It's not too late.
You can also be eating Valentine's Day dinner with someone barely tolerable.
Please visit the following sites for more snippets of hope:

• Plenty of Fish
• Match.com
• eHarmony
• Prisoners from Canada Pen Pals

Nothing says, "Maybe we shouldn't see each other again" like a case of hepatitis.
If you're telling yourself you're in a decent relationship, then happy VD.
If you're single and loading the revolver, just tough it out until Paddy's day.
Go out, play some miniature golf with your cousin and remind yourself:
Drunken love has no calendar or schedule.
Sounds like someone I know.

If you want my definition of love, I'd say that it's never going to the cops.
Love is a tremendous amount of circumstance.
Really, I'd say that love is an inability to lie to a person.
Or, it's a compulsion for sharing truth with a person.
Perhaps that sounds nicer.
Surely I don't know.
But I do know what love is not.
Love is not beating the shit out of your partner after hooking them on coke.
Bobby. Love it not that.*
Instead, I would qualify such behaviour as poor spousal communication.
Battery. Assault. Battered. Battery.
So, on this Valentine's Day ("Is he still talking about this?") keep your backhands to a minimum.
And your sweet, Grammy-winning powerhouses to a maximum.
Next year, it may be you overdosing in a bathtub.

...I haven't been online to write a post because I've been watching too much of The Wire.
I've also been playing a lot of Battlefield 3 with my brother.
I also spent a dark and stormy night in a rental vehicle with Adam Delorey.
Adam's a good guy. He's the fat dude in every beer movie you've ever seen.
But with a (faulty) heart.
I've been putting this post off for some time.
I just felt a compulsion to tell you that...


 *I meant to say 'Ike' here. Bobby is some other guy who beat some other R&B girlfriend.**
**I was right the first time. I meant 'Bobby,' and I wrote 'Bobby.'