Race Unrelated

Pray the tests come back 'negative.'
It's Friday.

I just had a scary conversation with a woman at the bank.
Though, ultimately, it's a happy ending.
She said that if I ever decide to quit comedy and become an actual person, I can still get a car.

Square Dance

Get a spouse

Get a 52"

Get a Camry

Get a Pug

Make a kid

Be successful

Anyway, I have a few posts to upload.
I've been writing them, but not teleprompting them.
The first one was written on...we'll say Monday, February whatever. 

It may have been Tuesday:

I just want to sit, y'know what I mean?

Sip my coffee, write a passably passable blog post. 

Go home. 

Lift a lot of heavy weights for a few hours. 

Take a steam. 

Go to bed. 

There you go. That's a day. 

That's not too complicated. 

But I can't do that because I'm in public. 

And women are in public sometimes. 

So, instead of having a nice day 

(3 sets at 10 reps)

I have to sit and think about how I'd like to have sex with a black woman some day. 

Fine. 

But not terribly productive, or even relevant.

I wouldn't even know where to go to meet a black woman. 

I can't suggest any places because they'll all seem racist

("Watermelon factory!")

Everything is racist now. 

I do a joke on how generic ultrasound baby photos are. 

The parents are excited about the first photo of their baby. 

I used to say, "This is your baby?

...Are you sure?

Maybe the nurses fucked up the envelopes in receiving and this is actually some Indian couples' baby."

Couldn't continue saying it. 

When I said, "Indian," the room would always tense up. 

I'd ask, "Are you quiet because I'm saying 'Indian' and you think that that's racist?"

No response (which is a 'yes'). 

It's not racist to mention a race. 

Goddamn I hate TV. 

Have you ever seen that Hoarders show?

Jesus Christ, what a mess (pun intended). 

It really must be something. 

Tracking down a 70-year old woman who keeps jars of possum fetuses. 

That's no reason to televise her, though.
It just seems like it is. 

Sure, she threw away her dignity long ago. 

But perhaps you'll find it somewhere underneath all of the wigs and belt sanders.
Hire some people to help her dig around for it. 

Showcasing how disgusting she is won't help anyone. 

Watching families collect in hotel rooms, trying to corner the family crackhead. 

This is passing the time?

This is an evening spent?

I'd sooner take the Urban Peasant any day of the week. 

Snooki needs to be beaten with a broomstick handle until she begins thinking of someone besides herself.

She doesn't need air time. 

Kids watch this stuff. 

I can't see a woman's breast on any channel at any time.

But I can watch this bitch get piss-herself-drunk at 2 p.m.