Dressed for Success

I taught today.
I took over another teacher's lunch duty.
Because, I can only assume, they didn't want to do it.
It was outside.
By myself, apart from a group of four guys.
Approaching them, I asked if they were doing anything bad.
We talked about whatever it is that grade nines talk about.
And this somehow resulted in one of them asking, "Why, do you live with your parents?"
And when I realized that, yes, I did, I couldn't think of anything to say to them any more.

I ate Mary Brown's in the Village Mall food court recently.
While wearing a suit.
And while I stood in line, trying not to inhale too deeply, I realized something:
If you hang around in a food court all day while wearing a suit, women will begin to assume you're successful.
I wouldn't even need a briefcase.
Even better - I don't need one because someone else must be carrying it for me.
"This guy doesn't even need a briefcase!
Who cares about his personality!?"
But, then I thought I might just end up being mistaken for a guy who works at Tip Top.
Which is where the suit was purchased from.
But I had to get this suit, you don't even understand.
Like butter!
It was as well the guy was fitting me for pyjamas.
I meant to buy some shirts and ties because I was doing my education degree.
Which, logically speaking, meant I would have a job soon.
Which meant that I wanted shirts and ties and pantses for Christmas.
Because boring people have jobs and this is what boring people buy.
So, I was supposed to get a smammering.
A smammering of items.
But this suit was on some sort of suit deal and the dude knew how to sell suits.
And when I put it on...
Butter!
I had to buy it then.
Well, my mom.
My mom had to buy it.
I live with her.