Darwinian

In a crowd, I bet I'd be the one who'd have to shout "Run for your lives!"
I'd be the first to see the escaped panthers.
Or the wave of molasses.
I bet I'd be the only one who couldn't run fast enough.
Thousands of survivors.
One fatality.
"I'm sure glad that guy yelled out.
I would've gotten molasses on my new pants."
"Yeah...hey, what happened to that guy?"
"Oh, I dunno. I blew right past him."

This is the rationale that will remind me to never go snowboarding.
Sure, it's cool when most people do it.
But I'd end up colliding with something.
I could hear them at my funeral now:
"He said it wasn't a good idea."
"Yeah, but he looked so cute in the goggles."
Closed casket.