Like a statue.
You will never be a statue.
I won't be either.
And if either of us are cast in stone, it will likely be for all the wrong reasons.
Owning a dog involves convincing him or her that you lead the pack.
You have all of the sex.
Becomes an easier point to prove once you lop off their nutsack.
Owning a cat involves convincing the cat that you don't give a shit about them either.
Have you heard of Omegle?
You're a savvy group.
You're a hip young readership.
You know what I'm talking about when I say Omegle.
South Park made fun of it (I don't feel like finding the episode, sorry).
You have conversations with strangers on it.
Unless you have a web cam.
Then you masturbate in front of them instead.
So, new laptop from Santa Clause, I figure "Now's my chance."
I found a real looker quickly enough.
Things were getting amorous.
I had already asked her where it was that she was from.
Whether or not she liked Pink Floyd.
Things were getting serious.
We begin undressing.
The Internet is finally paying off.
Turns out she's under age, and the whole thing is a sting operation.
As soon as she begins lifting her shirt, a bunch of FBI guys bust into her room.
Wearing FBI hats and t-shirts.
Pointing guns at me.
So I had to put my hands up.
Until the screen saver came on.*
I should have known something was fishy when she asked:
"Who's Pink Floyd?"
*this line came from Peter Russell.
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