Bullfrogs Keep Landin' on my Head

You have an old friend from college who you wanted to get close with.
But you couldn't figure out how to make it happen.
Because this is Paul Warford's blog.
And it's written from his perspective.
Point is, you might as well look up that friend now, find them, and bang them.
Cause the world is comin' to an end.
It's gonna happen.
We're not making it to hover cars.
By the time we hit the year 3000, it'll be The Renaissance again.
Don't have the sense to believe me?
Ask these millions of sardines what they think of my theory.
Oh wait.
None of them are talking:


I wouldn't mind, y'know?
The apocalypse in my lifetime.
Really, I should have predicted it ages ago.
Regardless, why couldn't it occur due to too much of a good thing?
Rather than too much of a bunch of bad things (idiots in ties; energy drinks)?
It could have been much more pleasant.
So many gummy bears that we all stop making normal food.
And die of malnutrition.
Something like that.
Actually, that doesn't sound all that pleasant...
And I don't even like gummy bears that much (I really don't).
I don't know why I wrote that.
Okay! Try this:
Everyone gets a kissing disease and we all have to keep kissing or we'll die.
But we start to die out anyway because we have to stop kissing long enough to eat the gummy bears.
Until all of our friends are kissed out and dead, and we can't kiss our families.
Cause that's weird.
So we all die.
Cause of the kissing disease.
That's an end of humanity that you can cuddle up with.
I thought locusts and plagues were only in fairy tales.
Of course, I may be wrong.
Maybe this is just the end of sardines.