Cop on the Beat

My parents come in today for a visit.
Mom calls to wake me. It's two.
My parents always want to eat at Swiss Chalet.
Every time we go there, they suggest it like it's a new idea that we've never explored before.
"Oh, how about we go to Swiss Chalet?"
I laugh every time they mention it. They always ask why I'm laughing.
My parents are flabergasting people.
Mom says, "We can go to Boston Pizza instead, if you want."
Dad climbs into the car while she's saying this, turns, and says, "Oh yeah, we can go to Boston Pizza if you want to."
I don't want to.
I'm 5 years old at this point.
I decide not to fight. Fuck it. At least it's not Swiss Chalet. Besides, they're paying.
We eat and they leave.
They give me moose burgers and a chocolate cake.
Laughable they are, yes, but I love my parents indiscriminately.
I go to Starbucks. It's unsatisfying.
I meet up with Tracey. She's a co-worker of sorts in that she works at the Mt. Pearl EB, which is a staff that doubles as a second family for me.
We've been facefuck messaging one another for quite some time. We decided the night before that we would get coffee that day.
It's so refreshing to hang out with a female who is taken and you know it, and you therefore don't have to obsess over whether or not you want to have sex with them.
Concentrating comes naturally in such a scenario.
I extricate her from work. We kick it.
It's her mother's birthday, and she's hanging out with me. "Paul? Who's Paul?" her mom likely said.
After we dropped off her flowers, that is.
I drove us to Coffee & Company because I wanted to get the attention of some bikers that were parked out front.
We sat.
We talked.
She's chatty. I love it.
We drive around and discuss music. Refreshing.
We decide to look at boats on the waterfront. There's a huge one. It's the HMCS St. John's.
I notice a helicopter PARKED ON THE BACK ON THE BOAT!
So, now we must check it out.
There are asses getting drunk on other nearby boats.
There are asses coming off of the boat as we approach it. We're hoping we can get on.
We climb up the gangplank (is 'gangplank' right?).
We are told to leave by Navy fellows because there are no tours going on until the following day. Tracey resolves to check out the tour the following day.
I say nothing, but resolve not to.
We're back on Water Street now.
I'm trying to choose a cool song that may impress Tracey while driving.
It's the day before Canada day. George Street is nearby. There are drunk people everywhere.
I'm driving slowly, and swerving mildly, since I'm fumbling with my iPod.
There's a cop car behind me.
Tracey wakes me up to this and maintains that I should perhaps drive like a normal person.
She tells me to turn up by Subway, but she's told me the wrong street.
Because Tracey is somewhat scatterbrained like myself.
Now there are cabs and drunk fuckers all around us. There's a cab in front of me. I can't move. The car can't move.
The cop pulls up beside me. Does the whole motioning thing for me to roll down my window.
It's a female police officer. She's attractive.
She tells me I'm not allowed on this road, and don't I know that?
I've just realized this, I tell her.
She tells me to therefore "Move my ass", while smiling.
As I move my ass, Tracey immediately begins to deduce that the female cop was totally flirting with me.
I never know when females are flirting with me. Except when they're 18.
I very much don't think this was the case. She was very smiley and friendly though, all things considered.
I wonder if she spills stuff on herself while she eats as well....
We go to Mustang Sally's because it's Tracey's favourite place to eat. I now love Mustang Sally's.
That's it. I platonically drive her home.
Now I'm here. Now you know. Now I'm done.