Midsex Snack

I had a sexual dream about a former co-worker a few nights ago. I only worked with her for about a week or so. I didn't even think I was attracted to her.
Maybe I'm even lowering my standards while unconcious...
Anyway, we are undressing. We are about to 'get down', as they call it.
Suddenly, I'm in a corner store, buying a pizza sub.
I panic, leave, and rush back to the sex house.
She asks, "Where were you?" She no longer wants to have sex with me.
Me: "I don't know what it means, but it must mean something."
Hoskins: "It means you need to stop eating pizza subs and get back on vagina."
If I'm visiting and he's ready to go to sleep he'll say, "I'm going to bed now. Get out."
I'll say: "Your flesh is flithy and people shouldn't touch you."
He: "Your penis is flacid. You will die alone."
Me: "Fuck you."
He: "Fuck you. Goodbye forever."
Then I drive home.
This is our entire relationship. It's strangely refreshing. Despite knowing him for over a year now, I still cannot pinpoint why.
Have you ever had a close friend that you have to put absolutely no effort into being friendly towards?